Mix'n Match Religion

I spend a couple of hours every month studying the Bible with a couple of my local Jehovah's Witnesses. Let's pause for a moment and count the ways that makes me a bad and/or deluded person in the view of a lot of neo-pagans (yes, we study the Old Testament, too - don't forget to include that on the list). Then, let's pause for a moment and count the ways said Witnesses are obviously deluded, brainwashed individuals trapped in an evil cult - again, according to a lot of neo-pagans.

Today, one of them mentioned as we discussed people who haven't studied their religions that she'd recently had a run-in with a computer geek Asatru who believed that he would go to Valhalla and fight when he died. Being the helpful person I am, I suggested that next time she ask him if he's served his time in the military yet (yes, guys here can still get drafted) and if not, when he planned to. You may now pause and add to your list the ways in which the above probably makes me a bad Heathen for siding with an delusional, brainwashed Christian against a fellow Heathen and how you don't need to have done military service to end up in Valhalla.

And no, you undoubtedly don't. I'm sure Odin doesn't particularly care if you've spent 4 months in the army getting yelled at, as long as you're useful. I just think that you're a fucking moron if you believe that a) fighting and getting chopped up all day is The Ultimate Way To Spend The Afterlife when you've never picked up a weapon in your life and b) Odin would even want you there. I'm not saying that he couldn't be interested in you for other reasons just that, you know, not everyone was meant to end up in Valhalla. You think the Navy SEALs pick any yahoo who shows up?

While I'm ranting, anyway, I also don't think that seidr-workers are the end-all, be-all of things. There are awesome ones out there who do great things for their communities, and this rant isn't about them. This rant is about the drama whores - the ones who toss around the label in a way that suggests it makes them better than everyone else, all while playing up the "omg, the Heathen community doesn't accept us!!1 it's a hard path and we're called to it and it's omg, so rough but Odin guides us and we're spechul and we neeeed to do it 'cause it's our fate!!". Because somehow, magically, Odin has an urgent need for all these people who meditate (by staring into a flame until their brain gets bored and makes up funny images) and trancework (by smoking funny herbs) and are unemployed and bipolar/insert other mental illness that happens to be the current Big Thing ('cause, you see, they're seidr-workers, that's why they're ill and can't work. Remember, it's a hard path, omg, but they must do it).

These people are usually the same breed as the ones who insist that Odin is good and just and a general all-around huggly grandfather (or alternatively a hot, powerful male who has apparently taken enough of an interest in them to want sex with them when they trancework and who has the time and interest to answer their every whim).

I am, by the way, still not saying that all seidr-workers do the above, and do drugs, and are delusional. Or that it isn't okay to be unemployed, or that they're faking their illnesses. As said, there are truly awesome seidr-workers out there with a shitload of issues to deal with - and you know, somehow they manage without being drama whores. Imagine that.

Some hardcore Christians believe I'm going to burn in Hell. My Witnesses believe that non-believers will simply die and no longer exist. And you know, I'm fine with that. Because at least they're honest about it and they study the whole Bible and they don't just pick and choose what they like and deny the rest exists. I'm not a Christian but this is, at least officially, a Christian country and the Bible is an important book. Being able to smack around so-called Christians who don't even pick up the Bible outside of Sunday School but still feel holier than everyone else is just another fun benefit.

Somehow, 'my' two Witnesses manage to live their faith while having good jobs, a nice place to live, a sense of style, a sense of humour, and the ability to show up at a job interview without wearing a religious symbol the size of a dinner plate around their neck and then cry about discrimination. Frankly, I respect them a hell of a lot more than most neo-pagans and Heathens I see online.